Now You Don't Know Who You Are
by OneShotWonderment
Summary: As Castiel stands alone waiting for the apocalypse, he wishes for the one thing he has absolutely no right to ask for.


**Title: **Now You Don't Know Who You Are  
**Author:** lt-sp on LiveJournal or OneShotWonderment on  
**Beta:** icelily01! Thank you so much for your quick and excellent work.  
**Pairings: **Castiel/Anna (and implied Dean/Sam)  
**Short Summary: **As Castiel stands alone waiting for the apocalypse, he wishes for the one thing he has absolutely no right to ask for.

**Spoilers:** This takes place in Season five after "The Song Remains the Same." So there are spoilers for that episode and the fifth season in general.  
**Notes:** Title stolen from the song, "Even Angels Fall" by Jessica Riddle  
**Dedicated to:** Taylor, because she has listened to me rant and rave about Supernatural and the great number of stories ideas for this fandom. Love ya, chica! Thanks for putting up with me and my craziness.  
**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of this author. This author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

The world is ending.

He tried to hide the truth of the fact. He tried to pretend it was going to be okay, that their crazy plan would work. He knew that it wouldn't; this apocalypse will end bloody. When it does, Sam Winchester will be dead (one cannot play host to Lucifer and survive)…and probably Dean, too. If he escaped the battle alive, then Dean would be irrevocably broken in ways that no one would be able to fix.

Castiel doesn't want to see that. He doesn't want to be around for what is to come but he has nowhere to go. Nowhere is safe and even if he could go home, he wouldn't. His home is even less appealing than the battlefront that the Earth is to become.

Tonight is the last night; after this everything will go bad.

Tonight is to be spent with loved ones.

Dean and Sam are doing just that; spending their last night with each other while they are still themselves. Castiel doesn't dare even think of intruding on them. They deserve what little solace they find in a world so dark.

Besides, Castiel would prefer to spend the last night thinking on his love than encroaching on others' love. As he walks the eerie silent streets, Castiel lets himself consider the past.

He had hated every bit of it. Together, he, Dean and Sam, had made a great number of mistakes. Too many mistakes to count; big ones, small ones, and epic, world ending ones. Nevertheless, _she_, or rather his choices regarding her, were Castiel's biggest mistakes.

He once heard someone say, "Hindsight is twenty/twenty." A most confusing turn of phrase, but then Castiel thinks that most of what is said on Earth doesn't make much sense. Still, as he stands alone on that empty sidewalk with only the stars for company, Castiel begins to understand the wisdom behind the phrase. Looking back, he wonders how their lives got so muddled.

They should have known better; he should have known better. Love in Heaven was frowned upon for a reason.

Love makes angels human.

He and Anna hadn't been something that Castiel could mark with time. He couldn't pinpoint a date or a moment. Anna was just suddenly in his life and, even more suddenly, in his heart. It was simple. They just were. Anna was everything Castiel wasn't aware he wanted and he was everything she needed. Together they were one and it was perfect…until Anna became disquieted with Heaven. Back then, Castiel couldn't see what she could. He was blinded by faith, faith in a god who apparently didn't care about the humans or angels anymore.

Sometimes, in his more wistful moments, the angel wishes he'd listened when she tried to reason with him. He wishes he could have fallen with her.

Who knows how their human lives could have turned out?

He knows, right down to his core, that he and Anna would have found each other. They were soul mates. Would they have a life like the one Dean secretly wished for Sam and himself? A white picket fence, cute little house, and two little kids? If he were to let himself picture it, Castiel would see two little girls with Anna's red hair and his eyes. It was a pretty picture and in moments like this, he wishes desperately that it could come true.

But, wishes don't come true.

He had not listened to Anna. He did not fall with her. He did not have that pretty picture.

Instead, he had spent centuries alone pretending not to miss her.

Then, when they were finally together again, he'd had sent her back to Heaven to protect the "greater good." Her incarceration, in a roundabout way, had led to her death.

He did not even get to say goodbye, sorry, or any of the other million things that he had needed to tell her.

All he got for his mistakes was a front row seat to the apocalypse and a broken heart.

Yet as Castiel stands, staring up at the stars, he wishes upon them.

He wishes that, when it is all over, he will find Anna again and get to say all the things left unsaid.

For now, Castiel will have to suffer with all the other humans on the planet because love makes angels human.


End file.
